Jonathan Schlosser

Trade Cutler to the Lions for next year’s first round pick (not this year’s; M. Stafford isn’t worth it) and Ernie Simms. The guy is a stud, you just don’t know it because he plays for the Lions. He’s an outside lineback, so play him opposite DJ Williams and we have the edges wrapped up. Then, use this year’s pick (12th overall, remember) to take James Laurinaitis, middle linebacker out of OSU. With guys like Curry and Rey-Rey and Cushing in the draft, Laurinaitis should fall easily to that 12th pick, where he’d be a steal. He’s a beast and he’s smart; he, basically, is the next Brian Urlacer. Put him between vets like Williams and Simms and bring back the Orange Crush Defense.

Now, I know you’re probably still concerned about your quarterback situation. Don’t be! I have that all planned out as well. See, Jeff Garcia is still a free agent. He’s got all the experience you could ask for. He’s semi-mobile. He’s got two-three good years left in him. Put him in a Broncos jersey instead of that bust Chris Simms and let him throw it up to Marshall, Royal, Chad Jackson, Jabar Gaffney, Brandon Stokely. You’ll win games. Especially if you’ve shored up the defense like I mentioned above, and if you play Peyton Hillis at HB every single snap. Hillis is a bruiser, a downhill runner, and great at catching out of the backfield. Everything you need to bring opposing defenses up and leave your great wide reciever core open all over the field. Plus, he’ll hammer in ten touchdowns of his own.

But Garcia is old! I bet you’re saying. He’s too old to build a team this good around. And you’d be right, Josh, you’d be right. But that’s why we got that first round pick back at the beginning of all this, that one for next year. See, Colt McCoy is coming out of college. This kid is the real thing; just look at the numbers. He’s the smartest QB is college football. He never turns the ball over (Remember Cutler’s sixteen INTs last year? We’re done with that.). His completion percentage is something insane like 76.5. I’m not kidding. Sure, he doesn’t stretch the field. But who cares. If he’s not turning the ball over and he’s completeing that high of a percentage of passes to WRs like Royal and Marshall and Jackson, guys who are quick and know how to make plays with the ball, we’re going to score a heck of a lot of points. Plus, he gets to sit behind Garcia for a year and learn everything that he can. Garcia is smart too, you know, and he has the experience to teach McCoy how to win.

Thanks for reading. I can’t wait to see it all come together on draft day. If you do this, the Superbowl will return to Denver by at least 2012. Just in time for the world to end.

Your faithful analyst;

Jon Schlosser